Lessons in Driving

Here is my list of universal rules that apply to driving.

1. If you drive a raised or lowered truck, you are a douche bag. No getting around it. Bonus points if you have "rims."

2. Having a large vehicle does not entitle you to cut me off and merge into my lane without a turn signal. Again- you are all douche bags.

3. Having a large vehicle does not entitle you to taking up more than 1 parking spot. If you do this, expect to get keyed. I know this may be hard to believe, but there are other people in this world that might just need that space- you selfish fuck.

4. People who drive SUVs, who don't have large families or a lot of things to carry- you are also a selfish fuck. Rules 2 and 3 usually apply to you, + the fact that you are damaging the environment more than necessary. You don't need a huge SUV to hold your starbucks latte and Louis Vuitton purse- you just want attention.

5. If you want to drive slow, go in the right lane. If you want fast, go in the left lane. If you are in a lane and not going the appropiate speed, you are a dumb cunt.

6. I you see an expensive convertable, expect to see a 50+ year old man behind the wheel. Or his twit 20 year old girlfriend. Or his spoiled 20 year old daughter. Mid life crisis.

7. Pedestrians may have the right of way, but if you are dilly dallying, not paying attention, and just walking straight in front of my car for more than a few seconds, I will run your ass over.

8. When I see a McCain/Palin sticker on your car, I automatically lose respect for you. They lost, get over it.

9. Motorcyclists- you may be the worst. More than half of you don't wear helmets, and when I crash into you due to your weaving in and out of traffic, your brain splattered on the road like a pumpkin on Halloween will be pegged as my fault. Stay out of my damn lane- just because you are smaller than a regular car, doesn't mean you have the right to drive though any little crevice in the road and make me nervous. Most of you tards roam in packs, two side by side in one lane. Is there not enough road for you? Go fuck yourself. By the way, leather chaps, long beards and fat whores with their ass cracks hanging out behind you is not attractive.